It’s not every year I remember the anniversary of my father death, but this year God wanted me to remember. My father Edward Taulbee was killed May 1, 1985. I was 15…“Killed” is the polite term for what was done to him. Let see how to put this. The last time I heard the man who killed my father was sitting on death roll waiting appeals. I don’t care to know any more than that, because it’s not my place to judge him here on earth or the hereafter. I can tell you this I forgave that man a long time ago. Not because God tells us to forgive people who have hurt us, but because not forgiving him was hurting me.
This morning as I was crying thinking about all this. I get out my father’s folder that my grandma gave me a long time ago. Inside it was some music sheets: “I Know Jesus Will Always Be There” by Roger Horne, “Because He Lives” by William & Gloria Gaither, and “Thank You, Lord, For Your Blessing” by the Easter Brothers. Also, there were bible notes….. I discover my father was a worst speller than I am and his handwriting is horrible….. The most important thing I discovered was my father’s plea to God and it goes like this.
Lord I need help!
Lord, my self I can’t do menith (I think it’s much) without you.
Lord I won’t two see (Lord I want to see)
Fonda……… save (my mother)
K. Taulbee save (my sister)
Cassie Taulbee save (me)
C. Taulbee save (my sister)
K. Taulbee save (my sister)
M. E. Taulbee save (my brother)
S. Cooley save (my half-sister)
Then my father listed his brothers’ and sisters’ names and other people follow by the word save. His closing line is
Lord all the name I role (wrote) here I am B save.
The point here isn’t my father’s spelling or hand writing, but he thought of my and other people’s soul and wanted us to be saved. I don’t know if he was saved still when he was killed. I hope so. I would like to see him in heaven…..but I think God had a point to make to me this morning. Yes, I forgave my father’s killer for myself. Now it’s time to forgive him in God and love the man, but hate the deed.
Matt. 6:14-15: For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sin, your Father will not forgive your sins.
1 John 2:9-1: Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates his brother is still in the darkness. Whoever loves his brother lives in the light, and there is nothing in him to make him stumble. But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness; he does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded him.
Take what you need, leave the rest, peace and love to all.
Dear Heavenly Father if I could physically I would take this man in my arms I would whisper, “I forgive you of your sins of greed and hate done to me and mine.” Father I feel sorry for this man and his family. His life belongs to you and not for us to take. Please Father continually healing my heart and bring me peace, comfort, and love, so I can walk in your light forever. In Jesus’s name Amen.
Continue: Part 2 – Email to Pastor and Forgiving Part 3 – Letter