Substitute

Yesterday, I was lead by God to substitute for my half sister’s (Sap) place beside her grandmother’s bed just before she died.

The night before my other sister called and said they didn’t think grandma was going to make it. She was in ICU they had lost her once already. I haven’t visit grandma in the hospital because my mother’s marriage to my ex-step-father wasn’t a good one. I didn’t want to run into some of the people that would be there. There are still some hurt issues. Some that won’t be completely healed on this side of heaven even though they are forgiven the memories are still there.
It was around noon I felt compelled to go to the hospital. I wanted Sap to know I cared. I prayed for guidance. I prayed as I drove to the hospital. Paraphrases of scriptures came into my mind. Be the salt. Be a shining light for God. I asked God to clear a path for me. Then I remember that it was God’s will to be done not my. If God wanted me to run into anyone I didn’t want to see He would help me handle it.
When I arrived, I closed my eyes and opened my bible. There I found a stickie note I had placed last year on the book of Ezekiel. “Speak Out! Don’t be afraid. You are responsible.” I found out what room she was in. I walked in there was no one there but grandma. She looked so different. I thought I was in the wrong room. I asked the nurse if it was grandma’s room. Yes, it was that the family was having a conference somewhere else. I step up to the bed and prayed. I asked God for mercy and comfort for grandma and my sister. I asked for comfort for all the family. Then I sit down and waited. The nurse came in told me the family had decided to have the machines disconnected. That grandma wasn’t going to make it either way throughout the day. I asked if Sap was there. She had come in but I wasn’t sure if she returned home which was a 5-hour drive away. The nurse informed me that Sap just called and she would be calling her back in a few minutes to inform her of the decision the family made. I asked the nurse to tell Sap I was there. I didn’t bring in my cell phone.
The nurse went to make the call and come back in to tell me that my sister wanted to talk with me. I went to the phone. My sister asked if her grandma could hear me. I told her I thought she was in a coma, but she might still be able to hear me. Then I asked what do you want me to tell her. She said, “Hold her hand, get as close to her ear as possible, and tell her I love her. That I want her to go be with God. Tell her to squeeze your hand if she heard you.” I was crying by this time. I went into the room held her hand and told her all that my sister asked me to. I also told her that I would help my sister. I went to the window and cried. Then sit down again waiting. I told the nurse that I think she heard me. She moved her hand. The nurse told me that she was awake and even through her eyes were closed. I walked back to the bed and said, “I love you.” Then I knew it was time to go. The nurse had told me the family was in the waiting room waiting on the pastor to come. I just walked to the elevator meeting no one.
I message my sister that her grandma heard me. When I got home I checked my messages and realize that I texted my sister’s old account so I retext her. At that moment my other sister called and told me grandma died. My husband came in and said, “Sap called.” I called her back. She told me that she was glad I was there with grandma. That she wouldn’t trust her message to anyone else. That I was the strong sister. I don’t think of myself as being strong. After my called Joshua 1:9 came into my mind “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Matthew 5:13-16 (NIV)

Salt and Light
“You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot. “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

There are a lot of “I did this and that” in this story but the I’s were guided by God.

Rest in peace Grandma.

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