What are you doing to me?

Today I was in the park eating lunch and talking to God. My heart has been so spiritually sore lately. I’m not entirely sure what is happening to me, but I know I keep turning to God for answers. I keep asking and seeking. At times scriptures would pop into my mind, and at other times I feel led to them in the Bible. There have been significant changes in the ways I think about something. But the one thing that hasn’t change is my belief in God and my confidence in my salvation. My covenant with God remains strong.

It looks and feels as though I am sitting still in my faith and not moving forward, but I know I’m not. I know I’ve changed the field I am seeding the word of God in. My field of study demands that I know who I am in God. That my foundation in theology needs to be strong and my doctrines in different areas are sure. In ways, I believe that my church has been a testing ground for my beliefs and they are creating a stronger me. I’m learning to trust them… Some may think I’m challenging their faith, but I’m not. I’m seeking to build my foundation to stand on. A foundation that is created on a rock that can weather the storms. People that I thought was hopeless to reach out to with God’s Word before, I now realize they aren’t impossible to reach with God’s help. But it takes work to build a relationship with them and lot of patience and understanding. The understanding part is coming from my education I’m seeking. It’s not just an understanding for them but an understanding for myself.

Jeremiah 50:4-5 (New International Version), “In those days, at that time,” declares the Lord, “the people of Israel and the people of Judah together will go in tears to seek the Lord their God. They will ask the way to Zion and turn their faces toward it. They will come and bind themselves to the Lord in an everlasting covenant that will not be forgotten.”

Anyway, God tells me that I might feel like I do today with a sore heart with what he’s doing to me but all things He works for the betterment of His Kingdom. I’m learning to trust him more. My heart will not remain sore forever. My faith is growing and changing to something more profound within God. Change isn’t easy. It demands we deal with things and let go of the past to move beyond our old self into a new self. Today is today and tomorrow will be different. My hope remains in Jesus and His work.

Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”



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